Chapter CXXIII: Last Chapter
Friday, September 12, 2008
This is the last chapter....dunno y leh...not say i not blogging le...but dunno leh...this will be the last chapter of this blog... feel uber depressed...cornered by the problems i should settle 3 years ago...i didn't settle,so leave it till now...i dunno how to settle...so complicated,i simplified till it's actually heart vs brain... so things r obvious,i still got heart ya?haha... but realli hard to decide,but perhaps i had made a decision... erm...so it's...very complicated...actually very simple la...
Due to my admirable intelligence,i make a wonderful decision,so not much of a prob now...so left with this n tt...dun worry...things will got smooth....but about this...haiz...can't force de...i will still try my best to upgrade myself...ok jia you...good bye bloggy...:>
Chapter CXXII: I miss you...
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Dunno y...i just missed u...n i just wanna write here...haiz...i will work hard de...
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Yeah i'm back...i didn't inform where i go,but i went to my second ict reservice... this is a hi key,n haiz...dun wanna say much...no comment...those who went through with me will know wat we r doing...kind of hard time...tt's y the whole signal platoon have become more united...haiz...dun wanna say it anymore...this ict makes me treasure civilian life alot...my com my freedom my friends n my gf... everything... hope i won't go back on the next ict which i heard is dunno 2 or 3 years later...
Anyway good to be back...freedom returns,mission begins...
Chapter CXX: Be strong, never be weak
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I was thinking... realli thinking hard... a guy like me.... do i give a feeling tt i'm capable? i always wondered... i'm a strong guy...i will not feel tired,despair,sad,demoralise,or even mentally destructed? all i tried b4 n i started over again...but dunno y...y do ppl have tt feeling tt i'm far more capable then i am... n make me chasing the image tt ppl created tt is always far more stronger than i am? no matter where i am...with who... issit born with me? is this a type of charm? seriously... i guess it's born with me...ever since young...this ton of weight is on me... i wanna say i'm tired... but... to who can i say so?
Betrayers always falls on me... issit becos of this charm? one of the person tt saw my past said b4,those guys envy my presence...tt's y i'm betrayed... issit possible? seems a high testimonial to comfort me tt time... perhaps i shouldn't be the one to say so...ever since long time ago... these shit repeats...for more than 3 times... how many times can i hold on to myself with these kind of betrayer repeats? common sence will tell tt i will not trust anyone... but this reaction is definately not a good reason for suspecting anybody...nobody like to be suspected...including me...but my past build me to this,anything tt is not logical,doesn't make any sense,even a little i will start to suspect...espacially towards ppl tt had lied to me...can't be help....i'm struggling...but who gives a damn?
Sorry if u feel suspected by me...i'm sorry...perhaps u felt tt i dun trust u...but i'm still learning how to trust others...it's painful u know?but sometimes just let me say i'm tired...i'm scared,i need to rest...i need ur security...but...i guess i can't be weak...cos u also created a image tt i'm tt strong...so i have some catching up to do...for u onli...perhaps onli my pillow knows how weak i am n let me rest my head n cry...T.T
Chapter CXIX: Audience; Sign of Corruption!
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Yeah,now my position is an audience...perhaps so far my life is too dramatic... it's time for the others to perform n i c... nice show... ultimate... ppl backstabbing each other r really very interesting... know y i'm a part timer now? hey, bro, take it easy, dunno y,sign of pitiness, the next thing i know is my heart is moving again... hey, relax,i'm an audience after all... just hope tt he could do abit better...advise out from my mouth,fate is his,i stand aside...
Hey gal,relax la...sign of anger... feel like slapping her...understand y so many ppl wanna slap her liao... ' u all still can continue eating,i'm different from u guys...' wtf... wat different? u monster or we idiots? knn...watever...seeing her sad,seriously i didn't show any sign of pity,cos she deserve it ba...enjoy the pain n grow up ba...u r pretty far tho...
Told u,i'm no good... n u r still here for me... i'm touch...my heart move...i begin to cry,laugh,smile,worried,n worst being greedy...seems so alike in the past...past;perhaps i got a real happy past in some sence...but it's past...memories in the past is nothing more than a history book...becos of this book we aware...n becos of awareness,i always use tt as a reminder to myself tt dun forget my lesson,dun forget my promise to myself,n dun forget,the meaning of my one n onli life... but history is just history...we can't use it to do anything else other than all these...me,myself,my intelligience n my capabilities r the key for my future...
Becos of all these,i ever tot tt the hole in my heart already killed my heart,but after long observation n interaction to myself i found tt it's not dead at all,i just've seen the sign of my corruption in my heart... let it be...i'm glad...just hope,i didn't corrupt u...
Chapter CXVIII: Unstable Affliction
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Working for 10 months... once fired by my trusted one... now... u guess wat? wahahaha i'm going off any time...bleaaa.... i still need this job la...wahaha,but realii realli feel like quiting le... like being cursed by unstable affliction... every second i work i feel like just fuck the stupid guest up n go off...n my stupid managers...gain no respect from me...realli...onli some supervisor n captains...i learn something...if u wanna gain respect from someone,respect them is not the onli thing...for work...dive into the shit they r in as much as possible...as a leader,show them wat they can do u can do better...before u fuck them up n call them do this do tt,u can do anot...teaching them wat to do,but wat u r saying r crap in real life situation...say onli...i also can say...one person take the whole restaurant la....nvr fit in their shoe u better shut the fuck up n observe...know the whole situation inside out b4 u start blaming them...in a point of view i realli feel fuck up becos i'm working there...i suffer...n for plan,i have to suffer more than wat i should...but,another point of view,i'm happy,cos this restaurant is not mine! u guys won't get anywhere like tt... changing system like nobody business,setting useless rule onli wasting ur time n money...hoho...good luck...
Haiz...happy 7 months dear... we gonna work harder ya?hope our dreams can come true...dun wan anymore cold war le...not happy just come fuck me up...i love it...
Ha,wat's going on nowadays...getting closer with some of the captains...anyway they r my junior also...but i dun like...cos they have a expectation tt i as a senior r better than them...aiyo how much better...u will slam i won't slam meh...maybe i slam faster finish onli wat...n somemore hor,u guys take 1.5,1.6, i take 6.5 onli...eh i mean per hour...hoho...knn,u all kbkb,say u all do alot...ya la u all really do alot...should praise...but u r still haven't reach tt hell gate la...pay still good,have position,have prospect,although i dunno how long can this restaurant last... me leh? pay so little,kanna eat...taking part time pay do captain job,u think shiok ah?or issit my fault to blame?i too garang sometimes liao...giving a impression,aiya got alvin there no prob de la...nb,i won't tired,i won't have emotion,i won't feel stress?esp when i think about how much i'm getting i sian more than half liao...haiz...thinking of getting full time leh...haiz wait la...the job here is tough,but toughest is stop pampering the guest there n make them happy...
Dunno la...sian...c how first...
Chapter CXVII: Body,heart,faith...
Monday, April 28, 2008
Yesh!!! finally move a step out....push myself to limit....my 'T' vein also all come out le...when for a run... my determination is so strong orh... today sunday,alot of 'undead' below...also take them as transparent...just run n run...onli bring my key down...grab my key damn tight,cos not enough breath...when reaching destination then i sprint,for ard 100 metre ba...feel like vomitting...wanna faint...then do some chin up n push up n call it a day...
Come home also very xin ku...go bath,my face like turn grey sia...my body still ok...so horrible...realli long time nvr maintain le...tuesday come again...i must move on...this is onli the first step...
Was thinking alot just now...about my failure last time...i talk too much,i think too much,i love too much...love too much tt's y i scare lost,then more i scare,the lesser security i have...in the end i get nothing n lost everything i treasure...dear pls dun mind...i realli talk too much,too much things i shouldn't say,but i just wanna say wat i think,i feel...i dun wanna keep things away...somethings i can tell my parents but i can't tell my friend,which is little...somethings i can tell my friends,but can't tell my parents...somethings i can tell my lover but i can't tell my friends,there's alot,somethings i can tell my lover but not my parents,which is also alot...u can say i chee hong or wat...but my lover i always put as first place...there is very very little things i can't tell my lover...realli,even there is,is something even tell le also not big deal...really...
Eve,there is onli one thing i keep away from u...tt i remember la,i dun remember one is realli nothing big deal...is tt i told my parents tt u r a mix blood...seriously...not on purpose,just a slip of mouth...but now it's all history...nothing important...n for dear,i can't realli remember wat i kept from u...realli nothing ba...onli when boring i go c gals friendster loh...friends la...just concern...boring ma...hope u dun angry...other than tt...i will tell u personally...
I'm thinking...i with someone i love,but she do anything i also dunno...bernard say if u love someone then u trust someone...which i feel pretty ridiculous...especially when i saw ppl with tt kind of evil in them...i dun understand how he put tt in him...he say when they quarrel he will still cry,but how can he trust her to tt extend...i dun understand...realli dun...at least the sense of security must be there loh...perhaps is me ba...haiz...i will still try hard...dear,i will jia you de...n isn't it a good thing tt i jealous when u r close to other guys?haiz...
I love u...i wan ur heart n ur body...i dun wan ur heart onli...i dun wan ur body onli...if i can't have both i would rather dun wan...i wan to know all ur secret...i will let u know all my secret...i wan ur everything even in the past n future...but doesn't seems possible...so at least ur everything from the time we r together...till we leave this world...i wan ur body,heart n ur faith...
